What should I do when I don't think that the feedback from my boss is correct and how do I approach it?

Its important to have a maanger who believes in you and supports your career. I'd break the meetings apart into weekly tactical conversations about what needs to be done, blockers, etc. Monthly convos around areas for improvement and then quarterly convos regarding career development. If you have a manager who's not willing to support you, there's plenty of others out there who are actively hiring and will help you develop your career. Hang in there!

First of all - I empathize with you and I know it's hard to receive critical feedback, but I applaud your interest in wanting to do something about this feedback and improve it. Feedback and manager relationships are often tough to navigate and there is no one-size-fits-all answer, but I'll share what has been helpful to me so far - both when receiving feedback and as a manager.

I think you have a couple of questions here - so I'll break them up first:

1) On what to do with feedback and how to improve it.

A good framework to follow when giving and receiving feedback, is the following:

• Step 1: Clarify Intent. 
• Step 2: Provide Context. 
• Step 3: Describe the situation. 
• Step 4: Give your Opinion. 
• Step 5: Prescribe Next Steps.

This is generally used by the person who is giving the feedback. From what I read, it seems to be that the feedback you're receiving ends in Step 4 -- when you have conversations with your manager, ask to align on Step 5. Both of you should align on next steps in order to address this feedback, if it's negative, or next steps on ways to continue to do work that you're doing well. The more you do this the more natural it'll become, and the more comfortable you will feel aligning on next steps - together. 

2) What do to when you don't think the feedback is correct?

This one is a bit trickier. Before you assume that the feedback you're getting is not correct - try asking others around you, perhaps your peers or people you trust, for feedback or observations on that specific aspect you've been discussing with your manager. We often don't see our areas of improvement as clearly as others, in particular when we are confident and very capable professionals. 

If you've done this and you disagree with your manager's perspective - I'd have that conversation with your manager by acknowledging that you hear their perspective and have processed it, but you want to explain your own point of view on that specific topic and that you disagree with their feedback, with calm and patience, and NOT acting defensively. A good way to do this, based on Radical Candor -

1) Check your understanding - this helps make sure you are both on the same page and that you show you are listening to the other person

2) Take time - You don't have to react right away. It sounds from your question that you've put some thought into this already though.

3. Find common ground - Find some aspects that you agree with to make the conversation easier. 

4. Discuss your disagreement. Let the person know what you don’t agree with and why. Ask to discuss both your thinking and theirs.

5. Commit to a course of action - same as the point 5) above, whether you agree or disagree, it's important to finish the conversation with agreed next steps.

I acknowledge this is a hard conversation to have and there might be instances where you might both agree to disagree. But it's worth a shot trying! Remember most managers are really trying to do what's best for you and care about you and your development. If you think this is not your case, I'd recommend you to seek for help elsewhere, either via your manager's manager or your company's HR department.

Even when feedback seems completely unfair, there may be some small nugget to pay attention to. So, in general don't dismiss the feedback without some introspection. Giving objective feedback is actually hard to do; most people can't distinguish between whether it is their own pet peeves that are driving them to provide feedback or if they are reflecting some broader consensus on true weaknesses that need correction. Who should seek to change: the person who got annoyed or the person who is generating the annoyance?

A lot here depends on your manager's maturity, true intentions behind the feedback, their desire to level with you, and ultimately ability to hear feedback about themselves.

If you are sure you are not dealing with a narcissist, try to have a dialog to get clarity on the actual triggers, what does success look like to them instead? Ask them what they see is the impact to the business or the team of you not act on the feedback. Ask other observers if they would have the same feedback. Lastly, consider that even if the feedback is subjective, making some change to meet your manager halfway is a way to build the partnership.

It sounds like the feedback you’re getting may not be constructive, so I encourage you to ask your boss for specific examples, as well as recommendations of how they can see you improving. It’s more than okay—it’s appreciated—to be honest that you want more from the feedback so you can ingest it and apply it to future projects. Even if you don’t agree with the feedback, understanding how they got there will help with finding a common ground and creating goals together. Be proactive and schedule regular check-ins so you can be sure you’re both on the same page; doing this shows initiative which a good boss will respect.

Great question! And upward feedback is so important. We are all always learning so feedback is critical.

• In your next one on one (or schedule time if you don't have it). Think about what your goal for the meeting is. Is it just to give the feedback? Is it for your boss to change their decision? Knowing what outcome you want before you enter the conversation will help you stay on track.

• In the meeting, ask to understand the why (and context) behind the decision your boss made.

• The above response might change your mind. But if it doesn't, you can maturely express that you see the feedback/situation from a different point of view and would like to talk through it with them.

• Explain calmly and openly (not defensive or upset) why you don't agree and what your perspective is.

• Give them time to respond, to ask questions etc. And have a discussion on it.

• I find that 95% of the time, people are very receptive to feedback when it is brought to them in a mature, open way.

There might be times when your boss (or a colleague in a different situation) don't agree. And in these situations, I believe strongly in disagree and commit. You can voice your perspective and that you disagree, but then commit to the decision that has been made and don't look back, don't complain about it. Accept it and move on.

We all get feedback we don't agree with. It's important to know when to push back and when to disagree and committ. But in general, if you're getting feedback that you're not sure what to do with, it is likely not being communicated in the appropriate when. It's your manager's responsibility to empower you and guide you toward success. Have you asked them to provide examples or give constructive advice on how to improve? I would recommend this as a next step. 

I admit, that’s a tough one. When you say ‘critical’ feedback, I hope it’s still constructive rather than just tearing you down.

1) If the feedback is just criticism, it’s time to move on to a new boss. It’s not your job to mentor your boss on how to work positively with people.
2) If the feedback is meant to be constructive but you don’t know what to do with it, ask your boss to be very specific. “You need to write better,” is not helpful. “You can improve your writing skills by writing more concise and solution-oriented emails,” is better. “And here’s how,” is best.
3) As for agreeing with the feedback, that’s difficult for me to answer out of context. It’s true that not all feedback is accurate or even helpful. I suggest you really think about the feedback, ask for specifics, then talk to others who might have a point of view. That will help you determine how much weight to put on the boss’ feedback.